Never Eat Lunch Alone

Laughter. Leftovers. Neuroscience.

I’m starting an experiment: it’s called the “never eat lunch alone” project.

It’s based on the premise that human connection isn’t just a condiment sprinkled on an otherwise good day, but the audacious idea we actually NEED CONNECTION TO SURVIVE. It sounds dire, like something you’d hear Sandra Bullock yell in Gravity as she floats hopelessly into space. But developments in neuroscience have increasingly proven beyond anecdote that we are — indeed — hardwired for connection.

AND, here’s the other thing: I work for — and within — a suburban coworking space. Community development, idea-sharing, and sounds-too-good-to-be-true awesomeness of that kind is, like, what we do.

Here’s five of my wildest hopes and dreams for this experiment:

1. Get a fresh take on an idea or problem.

I tend to think I could discover the solutions to all my problems by joining an obscure monastery with endless hours to ponder the deep mysteries of life. Just me, my thoughts, and a stray goat or two. But 1) that’s completely unrealistic and I don’t look good in brown anyway, and 2) often the best breakthroughs come from talking out an idea with a friend. Either they can lend a new insight, or through the very process of explaining it to someone else, you are led to your own conclusion or solution.

2. Learn something. Anything.

If I’m only ever spending lunch breaks lost in my own head (or let’s be honest, on the ‘gram. Don’t judge. You do it too), I’m unlikely to learn something I didn’t already know before. This is, y’know…common sense.

3. Get support and buy-in from those I work closest with.

You know that feeling of nirvana when you and a coworker are in a harmonious dance of mutual support and encouragement, 100% “got your back” on each others’ projects, and generally on the same page? Uhh what’s that? Can’t hear me over the crickets? Yeah.

I have a theory that taking time to intentionally share about recent project frustrations or successes over lunch could transform work relationships — helping others get excited about what you’re working on, increasing empathy for what you’re up against, and vice versa.

4. Battle loneliness.

See neuroscience for more on this, but in short: My Instagram feed doesn’t love me or care how my commute to work today was. My colleagues and #coworking friends, on the other hand, are much more likely to take a genuine interest in my life. Time spent together over lunch could nurture a shared laugh over a story of a toddler telling an accidentally inappropriate knock knock joke, delight about a pregnancy announcement, camaraderie over a shared affinity for the cinnamon oatmilk latte from the coffee shop next door, etc. Don’t incidentally isolate yourself. Capture moments for connection.

5. Just stop living in my own damn little world, for pete’s sake.

This is the angsty way to say that listening to other people share about their lives fights the current epidemic of narcissism AND helps me be a better and more empathetic human being. Friendly reminder, self: other people exist besides you. Their lives and inner worlds matter too. It’s incredibly liberating to realize the world doesn’t revolve around you.

So, here’s to being inconvenienced by someone’s a-little-bit-too-long story.

Cheers to holding back on that piece of well-meaning advice until you asked that person what *they* thought about the topic.

And raise a coffee mug to actually paying attention to the answer to “how’s your day going?”, and asking a thoughtful follow-up question about it the next day. Living outside your bubble is good for the soul.