Build Community: breakfast dates & other loneliness antidotes.

From the Women of 25N: Members and Team

(Part of a Women’s History Month series — article 3 of 3)

Ahh, “community”. A word so littered across our modern lexicon it’s almost devoid of meaning. So why do we still talk about it so much? Because humans just can’t stop wanting it.

What exactly “it” is varies slightly person to person, of course, but at the end of the day, we really — really — just don’t wanna be lonely.

Here, our crew rounds out the series with their thoughts on what their “it” is, the ever-pressing question of how to attain(..? if possible?) life-work balance in community, and their non-negotiable friend-making skills.

Let’s go:

What does “community” mean to you?

“For me, community is being able to show up in a real and authentic way, and to be seen and known in my uniqueness.” — Mecca

“Webster’s Dictionary defines community as…. ah I kid! For real, community isn’t so much a concrete definition as it is a lifestyle and general “vibe”, in my humble opinion. Inviting people to do life with in a variety of ways — from that one friend you only see every six months (but it feels like no time has passed when you get together), to that one coworker you can’t live without, to the people you see every day, to your favorite barista…. that to me is community. It’s intentional, it’s continuously growing and evolving, and it’s what gets me up in the morning.” — Ce’Nedra

“I think it is different for everyone. For me it is my “tribe” — my family, my friends, my co-workers.” — Kim

“Community encompasses everyone around you, including co-workers, family members, friends, neighbors, as well as individuals associated with you such as coaches, mentors, church members, and people of the same nationality.” — Uggi

“Community is connection. When you are connected to people, you’re able to see things from perspectives outside of your own. It increases your understanding and love!” — Arianna

“Finding people who you can grow with and can teach you new things.” — Meagan

“A place or people where you can go or call upon that fills up your cup of joy!” — Katie

“Community means feeling apart/connected to something for me. When I think of the word community, I think about Workplace Studio and feeling apart of this amazing team and being valued as a member of the team.” — Marisa

How do you balance your involvement in community in and outside of your work?

“I make sure to do something twice a week within a community setting. If that is going to a concert, coffee shop, or group workout class. Just to be in a space with like minded people really helps to feel a sense of a community.” — Katie

“I feel lucky enough that my work and outside-of-work communities don’t feel like they’re in conflict with each other for time or energy. Also, I do feel a strong sense of belonging to my work community, which offers me a totally different sense of fulfillment and inspiration than my community outside of work. Both are important! Just for different reasons.” — Sari

“For one, it helps that my work is a part of my community! Being able to interact with our members at 25N through morning chats over coffee or having events specifically dedicated to building community (Member Breakfast anyone?) helps ensure community involvement isn’t thrown to the wayside, especially when other sides of my job start to get busier. But outside of that, I get together with a close group of my friends every other Wednesday and we’ve been meeting for almost a year and a half now! My husband and I also host regular Community Dinners at our home (less frequently, now that we have a little one). We often invite different people from the different parts of our lives (from work, church, and old college buddies) and it’s so cool to watch them all interact with one another and for us to intentionally pour into the people who care so much for us!” — Ce’Nedra

“Schedule time to be involved! The Arlington Heights Chamber has a wonderful women’s group that embodies the word community. We support each other as well as charitable organizations important to the community. The group meets one time per month for lunch.” — Debbie

“Balancing can be challenging, but it’s important to establish boundaries, prioritize self-care, practice effective time management, and learn to say NO when necessary.” — Uggi

What are 3 traits or skills to cultivate that you think are the most important in building a community?

“Humility, discernment, and getting comfortable being uncomfortable. Discernment, because not everyone you meet or even hit it off with is inherently worth investing in to become community. Humility, because you’re also not going to be everyone’s cup of tea either. ;) Comfortable with uncomfortability because it’ll benefit your life tremendously when you get used to being around people who are different from you but who offer their perspectives in a way that helps you grow.” — Sari

“Hospitality, Mindfulness, and Kindness.” — Emily

“Bravery, Welcoming, Open.” — Mecca

“The ability to listen intentionally, have an open mind, don’t take yourself too seriously.” — Meagan

“Saying hello and asking people their names. Saying yes when someone invites you to something even if you may be nervous you won’t know anyone.” — Katie

“The first skill is seeing and understanding your unique community. What works for one community in terms of events, engagement, or even energy levels won’t 100% translate to another community, so knowing your people and operating to serve them specifically I’ve found builds the best community. Find the specific breakfast foods your people love or play that specific playlist that you know will shake off the Monday blues… when people feel seen they’re more likely to buy in and help you build that community. The second element (I wouldn’t call it a skill) is food. Figuring out what foods your community like is an easy way to bridge the gap and start having conversations with other people. Who doesn’t love a free donut or a surprise delivery of your favorite candy bar? My grandma would say that people open up when you feed them and I have seen this ring true time and time again in my community building journey. The third skill is patience. Rome wasn’t built in a day and more often than not building a community takes time and patience. Finding your people, establishing trust, learning about them and their passions, and developing relationships doesn’t often come to fruition overnight.” — Ce’Nedra

“Honesty/Transparency, acceptance of others where they are at, lifting up others.” — Kelly

“In my opinion, the most crucial skills in building a community are leadership skills, empathy, and effective communication.” — Uggi

“Trust, openness, kindness. I think all of these factors intertwine with each other. You need to be open and approachable for someone to feel welcome. You need to be trustworthy for someone to feel like they can rely on you. And you need to be kind to show your support for someone.” — Nicole

“Curiosity, kindness, and humility.” — Susan

Sari LashSari Lash